Every day I wake up gung-ho about having a positive day.

That’s great and all, but it never guarantees a stress-free day. By “stress-free” I mean a manageable day that doesn’t result in me wanting to just go to bed and try again tomorrow.

We are very fortunate that my husband’s job allows me to be a stay-at-home mom. I am very grateful for that; however, being a stay-at-home mom is so much harder than my job. I try to pick up at least 8 hours a week at my job just so I can get a break.

Work is like a vacation. I actually get to have stimulating adult conversations there with people who are old enough to talk back!

It is very easy for me to get discouraged on “rough” days.

Before getting pregnant, I had an idea of what those rough days would be like. Crying, screaming, little to no sleep, messy house, no time with my husband, etc… I wasn’t wrong, but I wasn’t right either. Let me explain.

What I thought would describe rough days actually details what I consider to be the better days.

I love being a mom, but I also love being me. I like being able to shower, exercise, read books, etc… It isn’t that I don’t get to do those things, it’s that I don’t get to do them on my terms anymore, and when I do get to do them I am on a countdown. 

Life when you have a baby turns into a constant countdown. 

Today was one of those rough days. Little Sir was so fussy that I just didn’t know what I could do. Of course I went through the “I’m Desperate List.”

  1. Boob?
  2. Teething?
  3. Bored?
  4. Tired?
  5. Now boob?
  6. Look at the cool toy!
  7. Outside? (He loves outside)
  8. Now tired?
  9. You sure you don’t want boob?

You get the drill. So none of these worked. So I gave up or some might say gave in. 

I hate the negative connotation that is attached to “give up.” Sometimes it isn’t a bad thing. In this situation me giving up any optimistic hope of taking a shower, getting work done or exercising was freeing. It stopped me from stressing out. When I put those aside in my TBA mind folder, I was able to calm down and take a nap with Little Sir. I was tired anyways and at least I would be doing something I consider as a mom to be productive.

Yes, napping as a mom is absolutely productive. So suck it haters.

If nothing else makes Little Sir stop being fussy, it is time to try bedtime boob. How is this different than normal boob? Since we co-sleep, I lay down a burp cloth and let him eat while I lay down as well. Only twice in his 5 months of life has this not worked. It’s a last-ditch effort for my sanity.

At first I read, a great way to get my mind off of what I am perceiving as my own pathetic life and delve into someone else’s screwed up path. 

(Currently I am on Chapter 5 of Say Goodbye by Lisa Gardner)

I don’t like to read “smart” books. The less I have to think the better. I don’t want to have to look up words and I don’t want to be taught something. Just a fun/thrilling storyline that gives me what I call a “brain break.”

Not wanting to be a mom for a day isn’t the same as me regretting my decision. I don’t regret one second. Ever. Like I said earlier, I love being a mom, but that doesn’t mean I have to always be my happy-go-lucky-chipper self. Being a mom is hard. It is often a struggle that you have to overcome. Your baby is actually a tiny human and that future voter is just as fickle as you are. They just can’t communicate their needs or wants as well as you can and that is incredibly frustrating and stressful. 

So when I have a really rough day, my solution is to give up. And when I gave up today I got to read, nap and when I woke up with a clearer mind I ended up getting to shower.

Is your child fed? Does your child have a clean diaper? Despite the current crying episode, are they overall a happy kid who smiles often?

If all of these are a yes, then take a deep breath and remember tomorrow is another day. Maybe tomorrow you can get shit done, but for today forget about it.

What do you do when the day just isn’t going your way? How do you handle it?

I Don’t Want to Be a Mom Today
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