Brave and Beautiful Woman Nursing in a Restaurant in NYC Winter of 2006

Dear Brave and Beautiful Woman Nursing in a Restaurant in NYC Winter of 2006:

I vividly remember you. What I remember more is my ignorant and naive expression I made at you. We never met or said hi. I can’t remember what you were wearing or if you were eating alone or with someone. I remember two things. You were gorgeous, you were nursing and I gave you a strong look of disgust for not covering your newborn child while eating in the middle of a busy restaurant.

My husband and I were only 18 and 19 at the time. We decided to visit NYC because I had a friend living not far from the city in New Jersey. We had minimal bills and serving jobs so we had the money at the time to be extravagant. When our paths crossed, we wanted to go out to a fancy restaurant and indulge in highly rated and overpriced cuisine. I couldn’t tell you the name of the place and the experience turned out to be horrible. Our server was a complete bitch and after paying the bill she said something about how she could have just kept our CC and used it without our knowing. I now consider that our instant karma.

I am sorry. Deeply truly sorry.

I am a mother now. All these years later. My son just turned one and he is still breastfeeding. Sometimes for nutrition and sometimes for comfort.

You see, I am a very modest person. I have been involved with theatre for my entire life so try figuring that contradiction out. It probably has to do with the disdain I have towards my own body more days than not.

Since becoming a mother my disgust for your choice has turned to envy and admiration.

At the time I just saw a beautiful woman flaunting her perfectly shaped breasts in my husbands face. I did. I am not proud of it but the truth is the truth.

What I should have seen was a woman who was in the middle of a crowded restaurant, breasts swollen (maybe in pain), worried about getting stares for a crying baby, desperate to feed her rapidly growing child the best food she could provide while feeling exposed, uncomfortable and confused.

After one year of breastfeeding my child in public I wish I had the confidence and bravery to not cover my child eating. My child hates being covered and while feeding him it is a constant battle between keeping him latched and my desperate attempts to not flash any strangers regardless of their gender.

So, here is to you Brave and Beautiful Woman Nursing in a Restaurant in NYC Winter of 2006.

I understand now and I am sorry.


Your Strongest Supporter

The Competitive Nature of Raising a Child


Everyone wants their child to be impressive. Everyone wants to brag to their friends and family about how advanced their child is. As a first time mother, until recently, I wanted my child to be the first and best at everything. I was ecstatic when my son was able to hold his head up for long periods of time at 6 weeks old, I held my head high when all of his percentiles for weight, head circumference and length came in the 90th percentile and I posted every milestone on Facebook. I will still post them; however, now it will be more for updating friends and family on my son’s growth instead of it being more of a “nany nany boo boo” tone.

I have about ten friends that had babies within a 6 month span of when I had my child. Some were first time mothers and some I would consider “seasoned professionals.” I am lucky to have this many new mothers on my news feed. I have people to relate to and people to bounce ideas off of or ask questions to. This is also why I finally came to the realization of how LITTLE it matters how advanced my baby is versus others.

I want to take this moment to explain that I wasn’t hoping anyone’s child was slow or behind on the “expected” growth chart. I just felt like it was a race and I was training my child in order to keep him in the number one spot. I wouldn’t cheat by tripping the other runners or hindering them in any other way, I was focused on my son, and my son alone. I would also like to add that I was still ECSTATIC when my friend’s children started crawling or walking. I LOVE seeing all the updates, but in the back of my mind I thought, “my son did it first,” and that made me so proud.

Here is what I realized. Everyone learns to move. Whether it be walking, crawling or a child has an issue so they have to learn to move differently than everyone else. Everyone learns at different speeds. Everyone is different and that doesn’t make you better or worse.

I fell into that competitive trap. It was the main reason that adoption wasn’t an option for us when it was taking us a lot of time to conceive.

(6 months isn’t a long time in reality, but to us we were anxious and ready and it felt like forever. I had a mental image of an empty crib with a mobile of all of my bloody tampons because every period I got was an ugly reminder of a baby I might have never gotten to have.)

The idea of adoption is always tainted with people exclaiming, “what if you get an addicts baby?” As if they don’t deserve a loving home that allows them to flourish. “You just don’t want to go there, it would be hard and they might grow up to kill you in your sleep,” is something I felt like people were actually saying when they spoke of the concern of ending up with an addict’s baby.

People think this way because of the competitive nature of raising children. They don’t want to start the race five paces behind. They don’t want to invest their money, time and heart in a child that will come in last. How incredibly selfish and dissapointing.

Listening to one of the last chapter of Yes, Please by Amy Poehler in my car, she talks about her time in an orphanage. I cried. It was heartbreaking. As a new mother I couldn’t imagine holding a child and then realizing that there is no mother to hand the child off to. That the child clinging so desperately to you, a stranger, will cry in a corner to console themselves over the fact that everyone leaves and you, an infant, are alone. It was the first time I ever really thought about the fact that these children are seen as the last place kids. These kids aren’t trained and groomed to be in first place. They are in dead last and aren’t worth anyone’s time because it would be too much work.


Raising any child is hard. They all have their own setbacks and shortfalls. They are human. We fail as adults, but we hold our children to standards where failing isn’t an option. Instead of being viewed as a learning opportunity, failures are viewed as shameful. We don’t post our failures to Facebook. We keep those private so we aren’t looked down upon by others.

So along with the Anti-Mom Shaming movement, let’s add the idea that every child’s milestone is an amazing feat, no matter what age they do it at. Whether a child walks at 10 months or 14 months, they are walking! That is an amazing thing!

I’m going to take this time to talk a little about my brother. He is one of the sweetest people I know with a HUGE heart. I love my brother and I am so lucky to have him. I was always on the honor roll and just wasn’t. Our father tried very hard to motivate my brother but he gets discouraged easily, especially when it came to school. He ended up dropping out and getting his GED. I was still so proud of him. He did what was right for him at the time. He is now about to start college and is buying his first home with his fiancé. He is a success in my eyes because he works hard for what he wants.

Success is perspective. I hate when people claim they don’t hang out with successful people. Money and fame don’t make you successful. What makes you successful is based on your own personal goals, not anyone else’s.

So what I am trying to say is that if we stop making raising children a competitive sport, then all children will view themselves as successful. If we stop making raising children a competitive sport then all milestones will be equally celebrated as they should be.

The Bare Essentials


So you have a needy little human coming and you are completely lost in what to get and the baby registry has your eyes crossing.

You are a minimalist but the quickly approaching due date makes you think you will soon be hiding in a bomb shelter with no way to contact the outside world… then this is for you.

Are you breastfeeding?
– Then you don’t need pumps, bottles, blah blah blah. You don’t.
– Are you going to use some form of daycare? Then call your insurance and get a free one. I love my Medela In Style Advanced pump, but I never pump two breasts at a time and honestly I am also in love with my manual Medela one, too! Pros and Cons for each. I also didn’t even pump for the first 3-4 weeks because my son was always with me and I was (wrongfully) afraid I would take from his supply. My pump didn’t come with bottle nipples which was fine because I planned on using the Kiinde system. I love it, check it out!

Are you not breastfeeding?
– Formula.

Diapers and Wipes – obvious, but I’ll add it to the list anyways.
– There are good and bad diapers out there… you just have to see which ones fit you. I love my cloth diapers even when traveling.

Carseat – another obvious… and also the law.

Clothes – something warm for the cold months, sleeping robes with a sewn in mitten option are great for bed. Contrary to popular belief, you can have too many clothes. Maybe it is just my opinion, but more clothes just equals more “to fold” laundry for later. The more clean clothes I still have left to use the less likely I am to fold the ones right out of the dryer.

Burp cloths – get a lot of these for a newborn… or just do laundry more often – and these can be rags/hand towels/wash cloths you already have so you don’t have to spend $$$ on burp cloths at stores.

And that is it.

The hospital had diapers and wipes we took home, they also gave us two pacifiers which we waited to use until our son was 6 weeks to avoid nipple confusion, they have hats, they have blankets… just ask what they have to see what you can save money on later.

What you don’t have to have, but you might want to splurge:

  • baby wash cloths and towels… you already have those and adult ones work just as well, they just aren’t as cute.
  • baby tub – makes it SO much easier, but you could hold them against you, too… they can’t even take baths until their umbilical cord falls off.
  • crib – if – is right for your family then you really don’t need a crib, at first we used our MamaRoo but now we use a pack and play for naps.
  • diaper changing station – yes they make things more convenient, but you can (and will) change a baby anywhere.
  • bibs – until they are eating “solids” they don’t need them, but they help with saving baby clothes from spit up!!
  • Swaddle blankets – helps baby sleep and unless they get spit up on them they can be reused more than once so you don’t need a whole lot of them

I ended up getting way more than we needed, but it helped me feel prepared and ready for whatever might come my way and that was worth it in my book.

Are you a minimalist? How did you prep for your baby?

I Don’t Want to Be a Mom Today

Every day I wake up gung-ho about having a positive day.

That’s great and all, but it never guarantees a stress-free day. By “stress-free” I mean a manageable day that doesn’t result in me wanting to just go to bed and try again tomorrow.

We are very fortunate that my husband’s job allows me to be a stay-at-home mom. I am very grateful for that; however, being a stay-at-home mom is so much harder than my job. I try to pick up at least 8 hours a week at my job just so I can get a break.

Work is like a vacation. I actually get to have stimulating adult conversations there with people who are old enough to talk back!

It is very easy for me to get discouraged on “rough” days.

Before getting pregnant, I had an idea of what those rough days would be like. Crying, screaming, little to no sleep, messy house, no time with my husband, etc… I wasn’t wrong, but I wasn’t right either. Let me explain.

What I thought would describe rough days actually details what I consider to be the better days.

I love being a mom, but I also love being me. I like being able to shower, exercise, read books, etc… It isn’t that I don’t get to do those things, it’s that I don’t get to do them on my terms anymore, and when I do get to do them I am on a countdown. 

Life when you have a baby turns into a constant countdown. 

Today was one of those rough days. Little Sir was so fussy that I just didn’t know what I could do. Of course I went through the “I’m Desperate List.”

  1. Boob?
  2. Teething?
  3. Bored?
  4. Tired?
  5. Now boob?
  6. Look at the cool toy!
  7. Outside? (He loves outside)
  8. Now tired?
  9. You sure you don’t want boob?

You get the drill. So none of these worked. So I gave up or some might say gave in. 

I hate the negative connotation that is attached to “give up.” Sometimes it isn’t a bad thing. In this situation me giving up any optimistic hope of taking a shower, getting work done or exercising was freeing. It stopped me from stressing out. When I put those aside in my TBA mind folder, I was able to calm down and take a nap with Little Sir. I was tired anyways and at least I would be doing something I consider as a mom to be productive.

Yes, napping as a mom is absolutely productive. So suck it haters.

If nothing else makes Little Sir stop being fussy, it is time to try bedtime boob. How is this different than normal boob? Since we co-sleep, I lay down a burp cloth and let him eat while I lay down as well. Only twice in his 5 months of life has this not worked. It’s a last-ditch effort for my sanity.

At first I read, a great way to get my mind off of what I am perceiving as my own pathetic life and delve into someone else’s screwed up path. 

(Currently I am on Chapter 5 of Say Goodbye by Lisa Gardner)

I don’t like to read “smart” books. The less I have to think the better. I don’t want to have to look up words and I don’t want to be taught something. Just a fun/thrilling storyline that gives me what I call a “brain break.”

Not wanting to be a mom for a day isn’t the same as me regretting my decision. I don’t regret one second. Ever. Like I said earlier, I love being a mom, but that doesn’t mean I have to always be my happy-go-lucky-chipper self. Being a mom is hard. It is often a struggle that you have to overcome. Your baby is actually a tiny human and that future voter is just as fickle as you are. They just can’t communicate their needs or wants as well as you can and that is incredibly frustrating and stressful. 

So when I have a really rough day, my solution is to give up. And when I gave up today I got to read, nap and when I woke up with a clearer mind I ended up getting to shower.

Is your child fed? Does your child have a clean diaper? Despite the current crying episode, are they overall a happy kid who smiles often?

If all of these are a yes, then take a deep breath and remember tomorrow is another day. Maybe tomorrow you can get shit done, but for today forget about it.

What do you do when the day just isn’t going your way? How do you handle it?