Somethings you need to know about me to understand the importance of the 6 week mark:
1. I love to exercise
2. I am emotionally high maintenance and when I go too long without sex I get really grumpy
The “6 week mark” is very important. It is when you are usually ok’d to exercise, when you can introduce pacifiers and bottles without worrying about “nipple confusion,” and when you start some form of birth control because YOU CAN FINALLY HAVE SEX AGAIN!
Or can you?
I am emotionally high maintenance and this reflects in my bedroom manner. When I go longer than a week of having sex I get really pissy and grumpy and that is when I realize I just need some good sex so 6 weeks sounded impossible. It almost was.
I read and heard about people who waited longer than 6 weeks because of the exhaustion and stress of having a newborn. This was not the case for me. Seeing my husband hold and care for our baby turned me on like nothing else ever has. I knew I was in trouble.
We have always had a healthy and stimulating sexual relationship. I hate that being raised as a woman I had preconceived ideas that I was supposed to hate it. That I was going to blame headaches for my lack of sex drive like every woman before me. Once I got past that ridiculous notion and also stopped reading Cosmo and all that crap with “27 Ways to Make Your Guy Moan” I found that society makes sex way over complicated and way too serious. But this is a whole other topic and I’ll save my strong opinions for another post. Perhaps I will title it To My Virgin Self.
Back to this topic.
Three days after giving birth I was itching for a role in the hay. I knew I was in trouble. It hadn’t even been one week. So I did what I could for him (insert another wink here). Even though it drove me nuts I had to do something. My husband even felt he had to remind me that “I can’t do anything back for you.” Strangely I was ok with that. It is the LEAST selfish sexually I had ever been. Ever. I am very selfish in bed. If I am going to get into it, I better get something out of it.
So we had an appointment scheduled with my OBGYN at 4 weeks. Since I didn’t tear and wasn’t bleeding (FINALLY) anymore I was hoping to get the go ahead two weeks early. Sadly, that was a no go. This was because I chose to get Mirena, an IUD, as my birth control and that isn’t recommended until 6 weeks post birth. There is that pesky number again.
This resulted in me asking the following embarrassing question, “As long as there isn’t any… penetration… is that ok?” Clearly she has gotten this question because without blinking she gave a big nod and said that it sure is. I WAS SO EXCITED!
So that made waiting the extra two weeks so much easier.
Then the 6 week appointment came around, February 11, and after I got my IUD in, I found out I had to wait another 24 hours. It was hard not to show my disappointment, but if I waited 6 weeks I could wait another day.
The main reason I was upset was because I got information, from a male coworker who knew I wanted the whole truth about this journey, that sex may not work when you try to have it again after pregnancy because the woman might be too tight. At least, this is what happened to him and his wife. I WAS SHOCKED. I had NEVER heard of this and was so confused. I thought that giving birth would make my vagina a loose goose! So of course I wanted a buffer night before our “hot V-day date,” V standing for something completely different than February 14, to work things out. The man suggested lots of lube and lots of patience. We had lube from a while back that had never been used that we got for our We Vibe 3 (look forward to a different post about why this saved sex for me during pregnancy) so I was ready for that aspect.
So when my husband got home from work we were ready to go.
Turns out that what that man said was true! Make sure you are liberal with the lube and have time to make things fit!
** Now my husband is girthy and I didn’t rip when giving birth. I’m not sure if either of those things matter, but I figure I’ll add that in case it does. **
The difficult part about this is that now you have a newborn that wants to eat every one to two hours. Mine sometimes eats every thirty-minutes so we never know how much time we have when we put him down. We swaddled him, gave him a pacifier, put him in the mamaRoo and prayed to God that he would be down for the count.
Men: when I say be careful I mean it. It hurt more than it did when I lost my virginity, which was a HUGE surprise.
Remember when I mentioned the birth control I got? I did that because that played a big role in this experience, too. My husband could feel the strings. And by strings I mean fishing wire. And by fishing wire I mean really pokey things that my husband said felt like sand spurs before they get stuck in you… over and over on the tip. He is NOT a fan of pain during sex so this was a big issue. Changing positions helped a little.
I like him starting on top because I like to finish on top. I like to be in charge (remember how I am selfish?).
He said that it didn’t poke the same spot over and over while I was on top, which made it bearable. We were told that most men can’t feel it after about 6 weeks (there is that number again), but I’ll let you know.
So summary, be excited for your first time post-baby. Be liberal with the lube. Be careful with insertion. Ask your doctor how your choice of birth control will impact the 6 week sex. Make sure your newborn is happy enough to possibly give you enough time to yourselves or just don’t be upset when they don’t.
Do you have any tips or just a story you would like to share? Comment below.